Faulty brain babbling and ranting

Last night sucked for myriad reasons.

First of all, I was as close to suicide or self-harm as I've been in MONTHS, simply because I felt so damn fat and bloated. (It may not make sense to you, but it did to me.) (I'm over it now.)

Then my husband didn't call me, and when I finally called him to make sure he wasn't dead in a ditch somewhere, the co-workers he was drinking with made fun of me. (Why? I have no idea.) Once he got done hanging out with them, he called me back, and I cried at him about how much weight I've gained over the holidays.

I'm too close to my high weight for comfort. I need to start working out again and not eating every damn thing I can get my hands on. I seriously need to get myself under control again. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin lately. My body feels less like me, and more like a traitor.

Then, when I finally went to bed last night, I laid there for an hour thinking "Ow...ow...ow...ow..." along with the throbbing pain from my tooth. I was afraid if I got up to get some drugs, I'd wake completely back up again, and it would take me that much longer to fall asleep.

Ugh. I need to call the dentist. But I'm a wuss. Someone make me call. Please?

Then there's the whole GOAT RODEO that is my workplace right now. We've hired 4 temps to help us out with this big project (3 CPAs and 1 file clerk), and now we're looking for a full-time backup receptionist. I'm doing all of my job duties, including all the statements for phone calls because my officemate is busy doing trades. Then the Bitch From Hell comes in yesterday and says "If you could, I'd really like you to help B. with SWPs* tomorrow. And I know we're going to have a lot of new clients pretty soon, so there will be a lot of programs** to help P. with. And if you could help a bit on doing applications on LaserApp, too...that would be great."

It's now 4:51 PM, and have I had time to do ANYTHING but my own stuff today? That would be a NEGATIVE. If she expects me to work 15-hour days in order to help people with their work, she's nuts. Well, unless the Big Kahuna wants to pay for the medical bills for the ulcer that I may develop, or the nervous breakdown I might have.

Gah.

The only thing that's keeping me sane right now is the thought of all the money I'll be making from overtime, and that I might actually be able to get a MASSAGE with it at some point soon. I need a massage. My body is cracking and popping in new and exciting places lately. Ugh...

*drool*

Massage...

*SWPs - Systematic Withdrawal Payments

**Programs - Financial plan for replacing income after retirement

EDITED TO ADD: Today marks 6 months SI-free. YAY ME!