I am so getting dooced for this

It's a damn good thing I'm not allowed to talk to our clients.

If I were, I'd be entirely too tempted to say, "Look, you're being totally stupid and here's why..."

Take today for instance. A client called to have a redemption made from his accounts, which is a pretty ordinary occurence. When I was putting together his statement, I noticed that he'd been taking small redemptions (usually around $300) three or four times a month for the past year, at least. He wanted the money overnighted, which generally requires the client paying an overnight fee of $15 or $20.

First of all, DER. If you're going to take money out every month, take larger amounts fewer times. Why pay four fees a month when you could pay one, right?

That's not the best part, though. One of my co-workers got to give him the lovely news that he's essentially going broke. He's in his seventies and he's got less than $20k left in his accounts.

The client was apparently totally unconcerned about it. When my co-worker asked him if he had large expenses every month, he informed him that he leases Cadillacs.

When asked how much that was costing him, he said "$1,000 a month."

My co-worker suggested that maybe he lease a cheaper car.

The client said, "But I've always driven Cadillacs!"

I thought that he should have told the guy that he could have bought at least three Cadillacs in the time he's been throwing his money down the toilet by leasing them.

Then again, my co-worker leases all his cars, too. Hm.

Once again, DER.

I'm sure knowing that he used to lease only Cadillacs will do him a lot of good when he's living in a cardboard box on the street or working a part-time job at 70-however-old-he-is.

Did I mention DER?

Yeah. So it's a good thing I don't get to talk to these people. Otherwise we'd probably end up with a lot fewer clients than we have.

And then how would they have the money to pay me my millions a year?

Heh. Millions.