I Want

I want to dig a hole in the dark, damp ground and climb inside. Lay myself down at the bottom of the hole, curl up, and pull earth over me like a heavy comforter, warming my freezing bones.

I want to find a beach somewhere, lie in the water, and allow the waves to wash up over me, into me, through me.

I want to cover my vulnerable body with scar tissue, to use it as armor against the day-to-day assaults it endures.

I want my tired soul to find some comfort. Harden the heart that no longer knows what to feel. To be numb. Uncaring. Cold.

Safe.