Thus far this weekend I have learned...

-that when TheChild says "Heads up!" to someone, what she really means is "I'm going to throw something* at or near you and it may or may not hit you. But, if I hit you, at least I can say I warned you!"

-that a honeybee is nothing if not persistent...even when it is trying to pollinate your thumb.

-that raspberry prickers hurt when they scratch or stab you anywhere, but for some reason they hurt even more when they stab you in the armpit.

-that if you're about 20" tall, you're the perfect height to get through the raspberries easily.

-that if you're 5'4", you will find a way to become totally wrapped up in raspberry branches that poke you through your clothes and then refuse to let you escape.

-that Sawyer REALLY likes raspberries, especially if he has to hunt through the grass to find them. (Perhaps the grass adds extra flavor...)

-that a plastic container on the ground with raspberries in it might as well have a sign on it in Dogspeak that says "EAT ME!"

-that I am a total spaz and it is practically a miracle that I am still alive today.

-that somehow it was me who decided that nothing good could come from TheChild standing on a ladder, pulling apple branches down and within reach, while Grandma used a pole tree trimmer to trim smaller branches near TheChild's head, with me pulling the string that actually cut the branches. It was me who put the kibosh on this method, even though TheChild and Grandma were repeatedly pelted with apples falling off the branches they were standing directly underneath.

-that Sawyer minds astonishingly well, as long as the command is, "Get Grandma's nose!"

-that Sawyer apparently has a thing for the right lens of people's glasses.

-that Fels Naptha soap is very effective at making raspberry-scratched arms stop itching.

-that TheMister delights in giving the (underage) puppy little drinks of alcohol. (Call the ASPCA!)

-that I most likely won't be watching Steven Bochco's new drama series on TNT: Raising the Bar. For some reason every time I see Mark-Paul Gosselaar in that show, I can't stop thinking, "Cut your freaking hair, you hippie!"

*a tiny apple, in this case