Tranquilizer guns and Xanax

You know what would come in handy today? Or really any day that I'm at work?

A tranquilizer dart gun. One that holds the tranq darts that would take out a rhino or an elephant...or something else that size.

Or...

OR! A giant bottle of pre-crushed Xanax that I could slip into someone's coffee.

The Bitch From Hell has been up my ass this week, and it's getting really uncomfortable.

I think I've mentioned before her tendency to get herself all in a tizzy about something pretty much daily. Well, the past few days it has been Required Minimum Distributions*. My officemate and I have been doing about 5 or 6 year-end printouts a day and giving them to the guy who calculates RMDs. We're doing fine. We're not behind or anything.

So, a few days ago she must have thought, "Oh my god! Ohmigod! They're never going to get done! Eek! Oh no! We've only got THREE MONTHS LEFT!!! Let's do a shitload in the next few days!"

Basically, she got her panties in a wad and suddenly decided that we must DO ALL THE REST RIGHT NOW. Tomorrow begins quarter-end, which means that we'll be busy working on those for the next week or so. She's all worried that RMD Boy won't have enough to do during that time. (Mind you, people really don't even need these until December 31st of this year.)

It's times like these when I'd really like to be able to sedate her. I understand that she apparently thrives on stress and imminent deadlines and running around like a chicken with its head cut off and all that good stuff. However, her need to stress about stuff shouldn't have to affect four of us here who are busy doing other things.

Right?

So, at the moment I'd like to sedate her and then tie her to her desk. And then douse her in Lysol, just to get the germs while I'm at it.

GAH. Can't wait to get out of this damn place!

*The amount that Traditional, SEP and SIMPLE IRA owners and qualified plan participants must begin distributing from their retirement accounts by April 1 following the year they reach age 70 ½. RMD amounts must then be distributed each subsequent year.

Just a fun side note: One of the guys I work with just called from his vacation in ITALY to check in. Okay, if I were on a lovely vacation in gorgeous Europe, you can bet your ass I wouldn't even be THINKING about work, much less calling to check in. What a dork!

Then again, I'm merely a peon, while he's one of the three who will take over the business when the Big Kahuna retires or dies at his desk...whichever comes first.